One thing I have noticed recently is how much of an effect media had on me discovering I was a lesbian. Just the fact that instead of solely having to deal with figuring out my relationships with other people, I was able to observe other relationships also. I remember when I first saw t.A.T.u. videos on Youtube was when I first felt like, wow... I really like them for some reason and I can't put my finger on it!
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| t.A.T.u. |
Later on, I further realized myself when I saw Marissa's new relationship in the O.C., with Alex.
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| Marissa and Alex (The O.C.) |
Then I realized what was going on, I realized what exactly I liked about these girls and why I felt like I related to them on a deep level. I then began to watch all sorts of movies and Youtube videos just looking for some small amount of satisfaction at least watching other people be happy in the way I wanted to be. Bloomington, Loving Annabelle, Elena Undone, these are just a sample of all of the movies I found and became almost addicted to.
I guess what I'm trying to say is I really appreciate everything in the media, at least for me. But at the same time, I'm worried that because I am able to watch other people be happy I'm not trying to live happily enough myself, sort of like I'm living vicariously through characters in movies, celebrities, and happy people on Youtube. I have to get myself out there somehow, I just don't know how...
Peace Out! Love to all <3
Hi
ReplyDeleteI have seen your blog and your comments.
I think that i´m in the same way that you are, trying to discover and find yourself.
I don´t like to say that i discovered something, because i knew it for a long time, but i never wanted to deal with this issue. So some months ago i accepted me and now i´m starting feeling good with myself. It´s like i´m in peace with me. But I never told anyone about being lesbian, neither my family or friends, and this is the difficult part. Ii´m not sure when and how should I tell them.
I´m a Christian too. I was on an international program of volunteer with nuns during a couple of months. It´s being hard to me conjugate gay and catholic. I think that if God loves me the way that I believe and I do, he knew since the beginning that I was gay and besides that the most important thing is the love, no matter what. So I think that I don´t have to give up for one thing.
I don´t know how to help… I think that when we say and talk with people that are in the same situation that we are, it´s easier to face something’s.
Well I started to some youtube videos and movies. I like one that is “I can´t think straight”. When you said this “I have to get myself out there somehow, I just don't know how...” I think the same, I have to stop and trying to be happy. Bah, it´s being difficult!!!
I just want to find someone that can makes me feel happy and filled.
Good year
Hey! I appreciate your comment, I love hearing from people who have read the blog. And I'm pretty sure I have seen that Youtube video! It's a good one. And I agree with what you said about balancing your religion with being a lesbian, it is definitely difficult. What I'm starting to think is that there isn't one certain solution to the problem, I think that it is inherently difficult and might always be! I'm just learning to balance it and figure out what I'm going to do about it. Thanks for the response!
ReplyDeleteFirst I like you blog…
Delete:) yeah it´s hard to balance them. You need time to understand this things and figure out. By the way I will leave you a Portuguese link, i´m following it too. It is helping me. It´s combine a lot on our minds.
http://rumosnovos-ghc.pt.vu/