Boyfriend?!?!

Well, here we go again... I'm in the process of getting a new boyfriend. Why you might ask? I guess I like inflicting torture on my own personal emotional wellbeing! But seriously, there is a guy at my school who is really nice and I've been spending a lot of time with. He likes me, and to our friends it's just like 100% obvious that we're going to date. So... I think I'll end up dating him. And this brings up a whole new issue... dating guys while you're in the closet. Honestly, I'd be fine not dating any guys ever again, but it's so important for me to keep up the straight image, like... so important. If I never date, people start to get suspicious and at least try to understand what's going on. I'm gay people! So suck it up! I honestly wonder a lot about how my life will turn out. Sadly, I think I know what's going to happen. I'm going to find a guy at college, marry him, have a job and kids and a nice house and do lots of fun adventurous things with my family, make sure my kids are totally punk awesome, but no one will ever know who I really am. I'm scared I'll get married and just never have the courage to tell anyone. Then I'll basically be doing what my dad did...and I'm not my dad. This is nothing like him, and I don't want to do that. I just don't know how to avoid it happening... and here I am getting a boyfriend, it's starting...

Email with comments/questions, I love getting requests for new posts!!

peace out loves :)

Stereotypes

Alright, this is something that just has to be talked about... stereotypes plague lesbians every single day and it sucks. So here's a list of 5 things I don't like about lesbian stereotypes:

1) Short Hair
                      Really people? This one is so played out. Maybe 20 years ago this worked, but short hair is in for girls and honestly it doesn't tell squat about a person's sexual orientation. I know a lot of straight girls who have really short hair and there isn't an ounce of lesbian in them, and the other way around, lesbian girls with long hair, it's becoming more and more common every day.

2) Stereotypes box in closeted lesbians.
                       I experience this every day. Because of all the stereotypes, I feel conflicted about how I should look and act. I try to put on a bit of a lesbian air so if there are any other lesbians at my college they might catch on and be interested, but not so much that girls I know catch on. It's a fine line. But still, the fact that I feel the need at all says that something is wrong when we're stereotyping people into boxes.

3) You get it wrong...
                       Honestly, probably more than 50% of the time people try to use "gaydar" they're wrong... I mean just look at Lara in The L Word! Shane has the best gaydar in town and gets her wrong. I think people who think they have gaydar are just on the lookout for stereotypes, nothing more.

4) Rebels.
               Now this one is rough for me, because I am a rebel and a lesbian so I actually fit this stereotype. But the only reason it worked out like that is because I come from a Christian home so me knowing I'm gay puts a little space between me and my family which over time has just made people see me as a rebel even if they don't know why. But the truth is, thankfully, the world is gradually becoming more and more open to homosexuality. As this is happening, parents are starting to be so much more accepting of their children and their childrens' sexuality. This means that even the good girl who does absolutely everything her mom ever tells her could be an open lesbian. The world is changing folks.

5) We hate boys.
              I can't stand this one. The truth is I love boys I just don't want to have sex with them! I love being friends with boys, I even have fun flirting with them, but what makes me a lesbian is that at the end of the day I have no real desire to settle down or have an emotional attraction with a guy, like I do with a girl. But we don't all hate guys! Some of my absolute best friends are boys and they are fantastic.


So all that to say, stop it with the stereotypes! Enough is enough, people, the world is growing up, you should grow up with it. I mean seriously...if stereotypes were true, how in the WORLD would P!nk be straight?!?!?!

That's all for today. Love you guys so much!!

Peace out.

Sigh...

Life.
Wow.
What a mess.
I don't even know.
What in the world am I doing?
I just want somebody in my life to love.


Life has pretty much sucked since I got back to college. It's sorority pledge for the next two weeks and my friends all got really bitchy which totally sucks. I've pretty much just been flying solo just putting my focus on schoolwork (which...let's be real. It's the first 2 weeks back from break...is there any schoolwork?!?) I honestly just want all this to end, I'm so over it. I just want everything to be over. I can't wait to be out of college, or more specifically, this college, so I can finally find somewhere I can be myself. I wonder every day if there actually will be a day when I come out to my family, but I doubt it. I just need to live far enough away that I can completely be myself and love the people I want to love, but close enough so that I still feel connected to my family... is that even possible?

Anyway, my advice for today would definitely be YOU ARE NOT ALONE. This is the absolutely most cliche phrase that gay people tell others who are going through a rough time, but honestly it is so so so true. I am here, I love talking to you guys and encouraging you, through my email cracking.knuckles@gmail.com. We are all going through rough times, it's hard for everyone. And it doesn't necessarily stop after you do all the things you think will make it better. Like, if you think all I have to do is ________ and then it'll finally be perfect and I'll be happy, chances are it's not going to work like that. Better to just look for the good things in the situation you're in now, be excited for the future, but don't put unfair hope onto it, you know? I guess I should listen to my own advice a little! ;)

I love you all so much, please give feedback, I love it! Follow me on twitter, aburlewfyi. (A note...I'm not out on that account, so don't expect any posts about being a lesbian or anything, but I still love posting and I would love to follow some of you guys too!) Email me at the address above.

Love to all.

PEACE OUT LOVES!

So long...

Hey bloggers! I am SO sorry! I totally slacked off. The truth is I just got into the lazy break spirit and forgot to post. But I miss all of you guys! I love hearing from you, if you have any questions or anything feel free to email me at cracking.knuckles@gmail.com! I love helping you all out in any way that I can, or just getting to know you better!

Lately I have really felt pressured to talk to my mom about being gay. I don't know what it is but it's almost like I'm scared that sometime I'm just going to come out and say it then all of a sudden my world will be upside down and I'll have to live with the consequences.

One thing that bugs me is feeling like if/when I come out, people will think it is because of my dad. He moved out over a year ago because he struggled with homosexuality and hadn't told my mom about it. Anyway, it's been a huge struggle for my family. I just feel like my struggles have nothing to do with my dads. I knew I liked girls long before I knew anything about my dad. Plus, girls liking girls is totally different than guys liking guys, I don't like being lumped together because they are just completely different relationships! I just want to be my own person, I don't want coming out to make myself look like my dad.

Anyway, that post was super random but I miss you guys so I just felt like rambling. Email me if you have any suggestions for new blog posts!

Peace out.  And I know... lookin a little rough in the picture. Haha...I'm going back to school tomorrow and have basically just been lying around rocking the gross ponytail all day. :P