Sigh...

Life.
Wow.
What a mess.
I don't even know.
What in the world am I doing?
I just want somebody in my life to love.


Life has pretty much sucked since I got back to college. It's sorority pledge for the next two weeks and my friends all got really bitchy which totally sucks. I've pretty much just been flying solo just putting my focus on schoolwork (which...let's be real. It's the first 2 weeks back from break...is there any schoolwork?!?) I honestly just want all this to end, I'm so over it. I just want everything to be over. I can't wait to be out of college, or more specifically, this college, so I can finally find somewhere I can be myself. I wonder every day if there actually will be a day when I come out to my family, but I doubt it. I just need to live far enough away that I can completely be myself and love the people I want to love, but close enough so that I still feel connected to my family... is that even possible?

Anyway, my advice for today would definitely be YOU ARE NOT ALONE. This is the absolutely most cliche phrase that gay people tell others who are going through a rough time, but honestly it is so so so true. I am here, I love talking to you guys and encouraging you, through my email cracking.knuckles@gmail.com. We are all going through rough times, it's hard for everyone. And it doesn't necessarily stop after you do all the things you think will make it better. Like, if you think all I have to do is ________ and then it'll finally be perfect and I'll be happy, chances are it's not going to work like that. Better to just look for the good things in the situation you're in now, be excited for the future, but don't put unfair hope onto it, you know? I guess I should listen to my own advice a little! ;)

I love you all so much, please give feedback, I love it! Follow me on twitter, aburlewfyi. (A note...I'm not out on that account, so don't expect any posts about being a lesbian or anything, but I still love posting and I would love to follow some of you guys too!) Email me at the address above.

Love to all.

PEACE OUT LOVES!

So long...

Hey bloggers! I am SO sorry! I totally slacked off. The truth is I just got into the lazy break spirit and forgot to post. But I miss all of you guys! I love hearing from you, if you have any questions or anything feel free to email me at cracking.knuckles@gmail.com! I love helping you all out in any way that I can, or just getting to know you better!

Lately I have really felt pressured to talk to my mom about being gay. I don't know what it is but it's almost like I'm scared that sometime I'm just going to come out and say it then all of a sudden my world will be upside down and I'll have to live with the consequences.

One thing that bugs me is feeling like if/when I come out, people will think it is because of my dad. He moved out over a year ago because he struggled with homosexuality and hadn't told my mom about it. Anyway, it's been a huge struggle for my family. I just feel like my struggles have nothing to do with my dads. I knew I liked girls long before I knew anything about my dad. Plus, girls liking girls is totally different than guys liking guys, I don't like being lumped together because they are just completely different relationships! I just want to be my own person, I don't want coming out to make myself look like my dad.

Anyway, that post was super random but I miss you guys so I just felt like rambling. Email me if you have any suggestions for new blog posts!

Peace out.  And I know... lookin a little rough in the picture. Haha...I'm going back to school tomorrow and have basically just been lying around rocking the gross ponytail all day. :P